i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
