So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize