He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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