sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was born a porn star she said
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize