More tranny stories later!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
