Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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