It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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