K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
