do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
