Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
