Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
they're like a gay fantastic four
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
