I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This baby is an asshole
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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