I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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