I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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