The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize