you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
