I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
