Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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