I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Farmville is her only friend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
