Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
