i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm at about main and main street
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
