I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
