me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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