Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
