just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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