you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Semen is not good for contacts.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
