Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
