i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize