I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
