Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
