weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
