she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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