Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
