I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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