I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
