I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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