if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
