I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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