It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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