Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
