Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
