things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
