I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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