hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
