..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
