I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
