I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just googled if crying burns calories
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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