i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
