ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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