Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
