I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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