I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
