Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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