whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
