i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
