When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
