I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
