I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
