The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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