The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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