C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
