she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
