Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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