Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
