You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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