Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
