Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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