I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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