Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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